One More Day

So, my surgery is tomorrow. And I'm nervous as hell.

I really, honestly, don't care about getting off the cane. Seriously, that doesn't matter to me. It isn't the issue. If I had instability problems or was in a wheelchair but had no pain, I wouldn't even consider surgery for a second. I just don't want to hurt anymore. But what if the surgery doesn't take? What if I come out worse than when I went in? Then I'll be in even more pain than I'm in now. I'll have to take more and stronger pain killers. As it stands I already feel like an addict sometimes. And I'm sure I look like one to a lot of people.

In other news, I saw my lawyer last week. He told me that my wife makes too much money for me to get SSI and I've been out of work so long that that it might be hard to get SSDI. He said that I have a very good case, with all that was already in my file plus the recent addition of the seizures (or migraines or whatever) and the vertigo. Though it might not matter. I could win and still not get any money. If it looks like that will be what happens, then my lawyer won't handle my case and I don't have a lawyer anymore.

But they still faxed over the paperwork for the continuance for me. I got a call from Social Security this morning saying that I didn't get approved for it. I explained to the woman on the phone that I have surgery only days before, and that I'd be coming to the hearing in a wheelchair, in leg brace, on heavy pain killers. I explained that I was told this wasn't really my hearing, but that thing where they show you the video and explain the hearing process and tell you to get a lawyer. Since this is my third time going through this, I asked if I really even needed to go. Of course, she said yes. She did say she'd talk to the judge and try to postpone it. I told her that if she couldn't, I'd still come, though I didn't know how lucid I'd be.

On the other hand, the day I went to see the lawyer, someone actually offered me their seat on the bus. So there's that.


Right now my bipolar is Surprisingly Level.

Right now my pain level is 6.5.